“It’s like a safari, only better.”  This mildly persuasive-looking site for Somali Cruises offers to ferry thrill-seeking travelers all the way from Mombasa to Djibouti.  To better combat pirates, they suggest you bring along your high-powered weaponry.  Don’t have guns?  No problem, they’ll rent you what you need—and throw in 100 rounds of tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice.

Here’s a testimonial: “Six attacks in 4 days was more than I expected.  I bagged three pirates and my 12-year-old son sank two rowboats with the mini gun.  PIRATES: 0—PASSENGERS: 32!  Well worth the trip.  Just make sure your spotter speaks English.”  Well, thanks for that tip on “spotters,” Donald from Salt Lake City!  I’m afraid, though, I won’t be joining you port side.  Somali Cruises isn’t—yet—taking credit cards.  Ah, well, there’s always this.