Wunderbar! Lots more of these parodies, courtesy of Ward Sutton (writing as “Joe Smith”) at the Boston Globe.com
 

 

 

 

 

 

 
A post from Dan Amira on New York magazine’s blog about Delaware’s Republican Senatorial no-hoper, Christine O’Donnell, quotes from a transcript of a, uh, “debate” over evolution between the dotty, anti-masturbation church lady and an evolutionary biologist. The Tea party favorite, who has been accused of living off campaign donations by her former campaign manager, really tells him, doesn’t she?

CHRISTINE O’DONNELL: Well, creationism, in essence, is believing that the world began as the Bible in Genesis says, that God created the Earth in six days, six 24-hour periods. And there is just as much, if not more, evidence supporting that.

No evidnece at all, Christine. Those dinosaur fossils were put here by God just to fuck with people, right?

And here’s what she said about not lying to Nazis if they wanted to know where the Jews were hiding on a Politically Incorrect appearance in the late 90s:

CHRISTINE O’DONNELL: A lie, whether it be a lie or an exaggeration, is disrespect to whoever you’re exaggerating or lying to, because it’s not respecting reality.

BILL MAHER: Quite the opposite, it can be respect.

EDDIE IZZARD: What if someone comes to you in the middle of the Second World War and says, ‘do you have any Jewish people in your house?’ and you do have them. That would be a lie. That would be disrespectful to Hitler.

CHRISTINE O’DONNELL: I believe if I were in that situation, God would provide a way to do the right thing righteously. I believe that!

And for a little perspective, here’s Eddie Izzard, her fellow guest on Politically Incorrect, on Creationists, dinosaurs and Jesus:
 

 
O’Donnell So Fervently Pro-Truth That She Wouldn’t Lie To Nazis Asking If She Were Hiding Jews In Her Home (Think Progress)

 
Fascinating post from political pollster and superstar data analyst, Nate Silver on his FiveThirtyEight blog at the New York TImes yesterday about the precarious position the Tea party movement has put the Republican party in as the final primaries of the season take place today: If two surging-in-the-polls Tea party-backed candidates—Delware’s zany Christian conservative Christine O’Donnell and lawyer Ovide Lamontagnein in New Hampshire—win then the GOP’s chances of taking the Senate will fall dramatically. Why? Because they’re both going to be unelectable come November. Read Silvers’ analysis here.

Even atheists should be praying for crazy anti-masturbation spokeslady O’Donnell to take the GOP nomination today. For one, she’s a flaming nutcase, to the right of Dana Carvey’s “Church Lady” character on SNL and would no doubt provide some spectacular Sharron Angle-sized yucks along the way to the general election. And two, as Silver points out, there is almost no chance she’ll win it. To me, that adds up to a win/win situation!

This is the problem that the Republicans have going into the Fall with these Tea party-backed weirdos like Sharron Angle and Rand Paul dominating the party’s electoral line-up: During the primary election matchups with more moderate/electable GOP candidates, the vocal and highly-motivated Tea party-types have backed some seriously demented horses who will have next to no appeal to voters outside of Tea party circles or unrelated demographics. This is what the Democrats have been hoping for, obviously. an unelectable slate of Tea party-backed opponents in November. By and large, they are getting that.

So much for a resurgent GOP and so much for the influence of the Tea party. Having Sarah Palin’s endorsement during the primary season has been helpful for a few GOP candidates, but this same nod will be Kryptonite to moderate voters in the Fall. Unless voter turnout is low, and then it becomes meaningful. (Say what you will, but Sarah Palin fans are going to vote in force this year). Will the Democrats be able to bridge the apathy gap of their base? That’s going to be a very big factor also and so far, I’d have to say that it doesn’t look that way. Maybe losing in House in 2010 might be the best thing that could happen to the Democrats come 2012.

The media keeps pointing out that approximately 25% of the country sympathize with Tea party aims. So what. these folks are just the die-hards within the GOP that were there to begin with. The far more important information that never gets teased out of this equation is that 75% of the country is not in sympathy with Tea party viewpoints.
 
Below, then calling herself a “Christian activist,” a hapless Christine O’Donnell appears on a 1998 episode of Bill Maher’s Politically Incorrect with Martin Mull, Eddie Izzard, and Jasmine Guy. What must O’Donnell made of Eddie Izzard?!?!
 

 
In Part II she makes a total fool of herself. How can anyone overtalk Eddie Izzard like this???

 
As seen at the “9/12” Tea party rally today on the National Mall. Whether or not the red, white and blue burqa wearers are tea-baggers themselves or “infiltrators,” this costume surely must have been responsible for a whole lot of cognitive dissonance with this group!

Via Charles Johnson at Little Green Footballs. Photo by Dave Weigel.

 
This country is fucked up beyond repair. There’s an IQ stratification that’s as obvious at this juncture as oil and water not mixing. On one hand you have a bunch of know-nothing, pitifully stupid Republican morons who revere Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Fox News, meanness, mindless racism and IGNORANCE. On the other hand you have smart people, Democrats and nearly 100% of all non-whites. Am I missing ANYTHING?

I used to think that the jingoistic Tea bagger-types would eventually just burn themselves out and overstay their welcome, before dispersing again. I’ve revised that opinion, they aren’t going anywhere. How can a 21st century democracy function when the dumbest 20% of the nation’s electorate is cohering into such an easily manipulated voting bloc? Be afraid, very, very afraid. No good can come of this, none.

Look deep into this man’s eyes. What do you see there?

Via Charles Johnson at Little Greenfootballs. Photo by Paul Gentile

 
Just when you think that it’s not even possible that Sharron Angle, the Nevada nincompoop running on the Republican ticket against Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, could say or do something even nuttier than she already has, a past incident from her “career” has come back to haunt her: In 1991, Angle, who says her Senate candidacy is divinely inspired (“a calling from God” as she put it!) was part of a group who successfully lobbied that a local high school football team in Tonopah, NV, not be able to have black football jerseys.

Why? Because the color black is “evil” of course! That’s right, it’s a thoroughly evil color!

From The Pahrump Valley Times:

Also opposing the black jerseys was another group including Angle, a member, if not its leader.

They argued against our charges wearing black on religious grounds.

I cannot quote scripture as they did to justify their point but the gist of their argument was that black as a color was thoroughly evil, invoking the supernatural and especially the devil may take from dictionary definitions and not from scripture .

Angle may or may not have thought this a political statement. But she became a high profile advocate of a specific religious position during her very first campaign.

Whichever argument prevailed, school administrators caved in and prohibited the Muckers from wearing the black apparel.

And here we see another side of the multi-faceted, one-woman lunatic fringe that is Sharron Angle: She’s a low IQ combination of Gladys Kravitz, the nosey, disapproving neighbor on Bewitched and a desert dumbass version of Abigail Williams, one of the accusers in the Salem Witch Trials!

And SHE is best the Republicans can do to run against the Democrat’s Senate Majority Leader??? A foaming at the mouth Christian Fundamentalist lunatic who wants to ban alcohol, abortion, leave the UN and do away with the EPA, the IRS, Social Security and Medicare? A mentally ill person? Why, YES, apparently she is!
 

 
Angle strove religiously against black jerseys (Pahrump Valley Times)

 
On Inauguration Day 1989, Washington DC-based club manager and booker Robert Egger opened the DC Central Kitchen in order to use job training, meal distribution, and supporting local food systems to help fight poverty, hunger and homelessness in the nation’s capital.

It was about five months after a certain repugnant blowhard named Rush Limbaugh took his show into national syndication. Last week, that blowhard had this to say about non-profit organizations:
 

 
Egger’s thoughtful response—after the jump—should encourage all you Dangerous Minds readers to donate to the DC Central Kitchen today…watch till the end…
 

 
There is a frightening/disturbing and almost funny (almost) must-read on the Mother Jones website about “Tea party causality” Rep. Bob Inglis, a soon-to-be-former Republican congressman from South Carolina. Inglis, who seems like a decent enough guy—and not a hypocrite or a demagogue like many GOPers—was forced out, losing the primary, 71 to 29 percent, to a Tea party-backed candidate:

“They were upset with me,” Inglis recalls. “They are all Glenn Beck watchers.” About 90 minutes into the meeting, as he remembers it, “They say, ‘Bob, what don’t you get? Barack Obama is a socialist, communist Marxist who wants to destroy the American economy so he can take over as dictator. Health care is part of that. And he wants to open up the Mexican border and turn [the US] into a Muslim nation.’” Inglis didn’t know how to respond.

“I sat down, and they said on the back of your Social Security card, there’s a number. That number indicates the bank that bought you when you were born based on a projection of your life’s earnings, and you are collateral. We are all collateral for the banks. I have this look like, “What the heck are you talking about?” I’m trying to hide that look and look clueless. I figured clueless was better than argumentative. So they said, “You don’t know this?! You are a member of Congress, and you don’t know this?!” And I said, “Please forgive me. I’m just ignorant of these things.” And then of course, it turned into something about the Federal Reserve and the Bilderbergers and all that stuff. And now you have the feeling of anti-Semitism here coming in, mixing in. Wow.”

Imagine having to pander to that low IQ mob? To his credit, Rep. Inglis did not try, but look what it got him: the bum’s rush. What wins primaries for conservative Republicans is the very same thing that loses them in the general election. Only the committed, hardline types ever come out to vote in the primaries.* If a Republican wants the nomination, they have to run pretty far right candidacies.

Look at some of the positions Meg Whitman took here in California on immigration during the primary. Whitman had to appeal to the Orange County conservatives to win the GOP nomination because they’re a reliable voting bloc in the primary and in the general election, as well. But gimme a break, this Fall, those “winning” positions will become albatross-like liabilities in a state with as many Latino voters as California has. From what I can tell, the only thing Whitman’s over $100 million dollars have done for her public image with CA voters is to remind them that she is a billionaire who once hit one of her Ebay employees and that they don’t like the positions they heard her espousing during the primary. By contrast, former CA governor and current CA Attorney General, Jerry Brown, has spent under $400,000 and is still beating Whitman in a recent poll.

Prediction: Given a little over 90 days to completely turn the collective stomach of the electorate seems to be a challenge the Tea party is up for. As long as the Democrats don’t screw up on the “get the vote out” stuff, I don’t think there is much chance for the GOP to retake the House or Senate. Brown-nosing the Glenn Beck set is going to be met with disaster at the voting booth, mark my words. As many fucking idiots as there are in this country, they’re still (slightly) outnumbered.

*I don’t give a shit about the primaries, do you? I know, for sure, that no matter which Democrats are on the ballot in November, that they’ll probably get my vote. I’ve never voted for a single Republican candidate in my life and I doubt I ever will.

 
This is hilarious: A Republican congressional candidate and his wife are caught on videtape taking down his opponents signs, by his opponent’s son! Brilliant!

From The Pensacola News Journal:

The video showing District 1 candidate Greg Brown and his wife, Jennifer, removing Doug Broxson’s campaign signs has led to a Santa Rosa County Sheriff’s Office investigation.

The campaign shenanigans happened Saturday night when Broxson’s son, Jason Broxson, hid an infrared video camera, often used by hunters to track game, in some bushes at state roads 87 and 89, north of Milton.

Minutes after the camera was deployed, the Browns happened by and removed [the signs]. Jason Broxson hid in some bushes and watched as the couple took the signs.

“Honestly, we just got lucky that he happened to show up right then,” said Kevin Brown, Broxson’s campaign manager. “Lord only knows the odds of that.”

Kevin Brown, who is not related to Greg Brown, said the camera was set up because Broxson was having problems with his signs being stolen and vandalized.

 
Earlier this year, in a stunning verbal gaffe, South Carolina’s (soon to be former) Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer compared helping the poor to feeding stray animals, because they “breed”! Obviously a Republican, Bauer, a wealthy white man who flies small planes, later said he wasn’t saying those who receive government help “were animals or anything else.” (What were you trying to say, fuck wit?) Well, he lost his election bid yesterday, coming in DEAD LAST in a state where over 50% of all schoolchildren receive subsidized or free lunches from the government. Clearly his political instincts are shit. Just like his brains.

This is someone showing you the very stuff his black, immoral little soul is made of. From CBS News:

“My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals,” Bauer said during a town hall meeting, as the Greenville News reported over the weekend. “You know why? Because they breed. You’re facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that. And so what you’ve got to do is you’ve got to curtail that type of behavior. They don’t know any better.”

As the Greenville News notes, more than half of the students in South Carolina participate in a program that allows them to get their lunch for free, or at a reduced cost.

Bauer later said he wasn’t saying those who receive government help “were animals or anything else.”

What an utterly contemptible ass-clown this guy is. This is the kind of comment that haunts you forever, hanging around your neck like a big, dumb, dead albatross. Google Andre Bauer for the rest of his life, and there future employers, voters and anyone else who cares enough about this twat to type his name into a search field will find people like me telling this story. It serves him right, but the thing is, look at him. Do you think there is a chance in Hell that Andre Bauer has a self-reflexive bone in his body? Not a chance. If he did he wouldn’t think this way in the first place. He got what he deserved yesterday from the voters of his state: the bum’s rush. Karma’s a bitch, Andre!

And more in politics from the hilariously funny great state of South Carolina: A random unemployed guy who no one seems to know much of anything about (update) wins Democratic senate primary: The mysterious Alvin Greene has become “an inspiration for random unemployed dudes everywhere,” as Gawker tells it. The chairwoman of the S.C. Democratic party speculated to the AP that “people who didn’t know either candidate and voted alphabetically may help explain Greene’s win.”

Random Unemployed Dude Wins South Carolina Democratic Primary (Gawker)

South Carolina’s Mysterious Dem Senate Candidate Likes Showing Sexy Pics to College Ladies (Gawker)

 
When your country is going Socialist play guitar about it! I love the pig/politician/pervert. Must be a godless Democrat! Via Christian Nightmares:

A video for Christian shredder Joe Horn’s anti-Obama, anti-Socialism scare tactic propaganda song “Freedom”

 
Simply stated, for someone running for office to have done something like this—repeatedly—that person probably should not be running for that office in the first place. But don’t you love how the Republicans keep bringing the funny? This is too good.

From TPM:

An online news outlet in New York state has obtained dozens of emails, many of them racist and sexually graphic, which it reports were sent by Carl Paladino, the Tea-Party-backed Republican candidate for governor of New York, to a long list of political and business associates. One email shows a video of an African tribal dance, entitled “Obama Inauguration Rehearsal,” while another depicts hardcore bestiality.

Paladino’s campaign manager, Michael Caputo, would not comment on specific emails, but acknowledged to TPMmuckraker that Paladino had sent emails that were “off-color” and “politically incorrect,” saying that few such emails represented the candidate’s own opinion. Caputo accused Democrats of wanting to change the subject from substantive issues to “having sex with horses.”

Um, I think it was you who gave them that particular “in” buddy! This is is hardly a good time to pull out the look what you made me do argument also! Why not blame Michael Steele?

Here’s a description of some of the emails:

• An October 2009 email with a photograph showing President Obama and the First Lady dressed in 70s-era blaxploitation pimp and prostitute costumes while attending a formal event at the White House.

• A December 2008 email showing a video of African tribesmen performing a traditional dance. The video is entitled “Obama Inauguration Rehearsal.”

• A September 2009 email entitled, “Easy Steady Big Fella….XXXX,” with a photograph that graphically depicts a horse having sex with a woman.

• A January 2010 email, containing a hardcore pornographic video entitled “Miss France 2008 F[***]ing.”

• A July 2009 email showing a photograph of an airplane landing directly behind a group of black men. The caption reads: “Holy Sh*t. run ni**ers, run!”

Sez Paladino: “I’m going to be the same Carl I have always been. I’m not going out of my way to be blunt or politically correct or anything. I’m going to be me.”

Don’t ever change, Carl baby, don’t ever change…

 
Considering all of the ridiculous hyperbole from the Right—have any of you been watching Fox News?—David Frum, former speechwriter to President George W. Bush is the one character on either side who really nailed the political significance of what happened on Sunday: The Republican Party is toast!

Conservatives and Republicans today suffered their most crushing legislative defeat since the 1960s.

It’s hard to exaggerate the magnitude of the disaster. Conservatives may cheer themselves that they’ll compensate for today’s expected vote with a big win in the November 2010 elections. [...]

No illusions please: This bill will not be repealed. Even if Republicans scored a 1994 style landslide in November, how many votes could we muster to re-open the “doughnut hole” and charge seniors more for prescription drugs? How many votes to re-allow insurers to rescind policies when they discover a pre-existing condition? How many votes to banish 25 year olds from their parents’ insurance coverage? And even if the votes were there – would President Obama sign such a repeal?

We followed the most radical voices in the party and the movement, and they led us to abject and irreversible defeat. [...]

So today’s defeat for free-market economics and Republican values is a huge win for the conservative entertainment industry. Their listeners and viewers will now be even more enraged, even more frustrated, even more disappointed in everybody except the responsibility-free talkers on television and radio. For them, it’s mission accomplished. For the cause they purport to represent, it’s Waterloo all right: ours.

 
Waterloo (Frum Forum)

 
Is Sen. Jim Inhofe jealous of Sarah Palin’s starring role as pied piper to the idiot wing of the Republican party, or is he perhaps trying to position himself as a potential running mate for her in 2012? It’s hard to tell what the silliest Senator from Oklahoma was thinking, or if he’s really capable of much thinking at all. Witness what the witless Republican had waiting for him when he showed up in Copenhagen with his “message” of a Hollywood conspiracy that’s behind global warming:

Sen. Jim Inhofe flew across the Atlantic and ?